Treatment
Now that we knew that we had to wait until Jim was completely healed from the prostatectomy before he could have the next surgery to fix the hole, we could try to get some normalcy back into our lives. The doctors release Jim to go back to work, which was a relief both financially and emotionally, but exhausting as well. He is an inspector so he walks all night long and being home for almost three months, the walking tired him easily.
Some days are better than others. Some days Jim is upbeat and happy with life, then the next day he is sick of the catheter and everything. He just wants to be fixed! The other growing issue on our minds is that if there is any level of PSA other than 0, he will have to have radiation. Well, he cannot have the radiation until he is completely healed from the next surgery, so we sit here wondering if his PSA level is elevated, knowing there is nothing we can do about it if it is. We go through many emotions. Jim plays drums in a local rock & roll band and has had to cancel some gigs because of the cancer. His brother also plays in the band and does all the booking. He just doesn't seem to understand that Jim doesn't know what the future holds and doesn't know when he will be able to play again. His brother shows no compassion or sympathy at all. There are other family issues going on with Jim's adult children and this is emotionally tearing him apart as well. Can't all of them see that he is going through a lot right now and to stop all the drama and let him heal?? I honestly think that his own children think that having prostate cancer is no big deal, well it is and I see it and know it. It would be nice if his children would just come over to visit him, not come over because they want something from him. It is as if they are either in denial of the severity of it or just don't care.
Jim and I go through many emotions of missing our intimacy. Sure we can snuggle and hold each other, but it isn't the same. Jim gets upset because he may never be able to have a sex life again. I do not get upset because I just want him alive and healthy. I love him no matter what, and of course I miss the intimacy, but he needs to be well. We usually have our once a day cry about what we have lost, what is the future going to hold for us, and the ultimate question is WHY?
My husband is hell bent on thinking that this cancer is a punishment for something. We have talked to our priest and he has told Jim that it is not a punishment. But he thinks it is. There is no family history of it so he wonders why? And not only does he have prostate cancer, he has the most aggressive type of prostate cancer. Thanks goodness we caught it before it spread at all, but there is still a chance that his PSA level is elevating as I writie this. But there is nothing we can do. He is tired of peeing through a catheter bag, he doesn't even know if he has urinary control because for the two weeks he didn't have a catheter, his urine was going into his colon, so he has no idea if he has any control at all. He is so sad at times, but there is nothing I can do to take this away for him. I try to do what I can to make him feel better or to do the things he cannot. This bothers him so much. He is still on a weight restriction for lifting, so he cannot event lift a bag of wood pellets for the wood stove. (or he is not supposed to anyway). So my son & I are trying to do some of the things that he cannot. But this makes him feels useless. So many emotions that continually run through our heads that sometimes those same emotions, drain you completely. It is very difficult to stop thinking about others and how they are treating you. I know that we need to say, "Enough is enough, it is time to think about ourselves and getting healthy!!" But many times this is tough to do because other people will not let you do this!!
Some days are better than others. Some days Jim is upbeat and happy with life, then the next day he is sick of the catheter and everything. He just wants to be fixed! The other growing issue on our minds is that if there is any level of PSA other than 0, he will have to have radiation. Well, he cannot have the radiation until he is completely healed from the next surgery, so we sit here wondering if his PSA level is elevated, knowing there is nothing we can do about it if it is. We go through many emotions. Jim plays drums in a local rock & roll band and has had to cancel some gigs because of the cancer. His brother also plays in the band and does all the booking. He just doesn't seem to understand that Jim doesn't know what the future holds and doesn't know when he will be able to play again. His brother shows no compassion or sympathy at all. There are other family issues going on with Jim's adult children and this is emotionally tearing him apart as well. Can't all of them see that he is going through a lot right now and to stop all the drama and let him heal?? I honestly think that his own children think that having prostate cancer is no big deal, well it is and I see it and know it. It would be nice if his children would just come over to visit him, not come over because they want something from him. It is as if they are either in denial of the severity of it or just don't care.
Jim and I go through many emotions of missing our intimacy. Sure we can snuggle and hold each other, but it isn't the same. Jim gets upset because he may never be able to have a sex life again. I do not get upset because I just want him alive and healthy. I love him no matter what, and of course I miss the intimacy, but he needs to be well. We usually have our once a day cry about what we have lost, what is the future going to hold for us, and the ultimate question is WHY?
My husband is hell bent on thinking that this cancer is a punishment for something. We have talked to our priest and he has told Jim that it is not a punishment. But he thinks it is. There is no family history of it so he wonders why? And not only does he have prostate cancer, he has the most aggressive type of prostate cancer. Thanks goodness we caught it before it spread at all, but there is still a chance that his PSA level is elevating as I writie this. But there is nothing we can do. He is tired of peeing through a catheter bag, he doesn't even know if he has urinary control because for the two weeks he didn't have a catheter, his urine was going into his colon, so he has no idea if he has any control at all. He is so sad at times, but there is nothing I can do to take this away for him. I try to do what I can to make him feel better or to do the things he cannot. This bothers him so much. He is still on a weight restriction for lifting, so he cannot event lift a bag of wood pellets for the wood stove. (or he is not supposed to anyway). So my son & I are trying to do some of the things that he cannot. But this makes him feels useless. So many emotions that continually run through our heads that sometimes those same emotions, drain you completely. It is very difficult to stop thinking about others and how they are treating you. I know that we need to say, "Enough is enough, it is time to think about ourselves and getting healthy!!" But many times this is tough to do because other people will not let you do this!!